Let's get this out of the way...

I didn’t RTFA, but I for one welcome our new, naked Natalie Portman and grits overlords, to which CmdrTaco replied, “you must be new here.” He’s a Twitter sock-puppet, but so am I, you insensitive clod! In Soviet Russia, the only way to be sure is for orbit to nuke you with a beowulf cluster (yes, it runs Linux!). ??? Profit!

I am trying to condense Slashdot down to a fine extract. Anyone else want to see if they can perfect it?

— Enderandrew, Let's get this out of the way...